If you want to become irrelevant, simply stop. Of course, this is presuming you were relevant to begin with. I didn’t plan on going post-less for more months than I care to imagine but it happened. Truth be told, for a number of reasons, I lost interest in writing and it trickled down into having no desire to be in the kitchen as well as other parts of my life. Sure, there were moments of frying up some bacon that were Instagram-worthy, but those moments were fleeting and I’ve been eating more ghetto than I care to admit.
Thankfully though, the desire to write and more importantly to create came back, but I felt as if I was being held back. The fear of putting words on paper or a screen turned into (and continues to) be a complete block of confidence in myself and the belief that no one has any interest in what I have to say to begin with.
This is not meant as a pity party, because pity is the last thing anyone would need to help overcome this feeling. I’ve been sitting down and writing for the last couple of days. It’s all nonsense, but at least it’s nonsense that I’m writing down rather than floating in my head. So, it’s safe to say the garbage I’ve written on those pages (that no one will ever see) has helped to produce this post and that’s better than I’ve done in the last four months.
So when I woke up the other day and wanted to shoot a sunset, I was happy and surprised that I wanted to shoot anything, so I listened to myself and got to it. I found it fitting that the sun was fleeting and lasted for about thirty seconds before settling in behind the clouds. It did though accomplish its goal, it felt like something inside me had been awoken from its slumber while sitting on the washed up log with my camera in my cold hands.
My gratitude goes out to Melissa and Sam (the dog) for introducing me to Iona Beach in Richmond, BC. Also thanks to Sam for reminding me that life can use a few more smiles and there is joy in paw-constructed ditches.
proud of you
I love this…and your pictures are beautiful! We’re out here WHENEVER you decide to post…and yep, we want to hear what you have to say!
Welcome back! I love what you’ve written here…it resonates loudly with me, having been going through the same struggles in the last while. I’m happy to see there’s hope, and looking forward to seeing whatever you shoot or write going forward.
Boy have I been there too, Ethan. It’s a hard place not only because you feel lost in your own head, but it leaves you feeling a bit guilt-stricken that you can’t provide what people have come to expect from you. I’m happy to hear you’re getting back out there and enjoying doing it. I’m looking forward to more (when you’re ready, of course
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Great post EA. I also have these thoughts floating around my head from time to time. I think a trip to the Philippines would fill your mind with inspiration and ideas. Keep on keepin’ on
This is why blogs are wonderful — we write and share when we have something meaningful to say. And sometimes silence is golden, because we’re busy collecting future inspiration. And frying bacon! Breaks are good and necessary; it’s the space in between that makes the conversations relevant.
Oh, I have so been there. Typed and discarded posts and emails, total kitchen apathy, the works. Take your time easing out of your “slumber,” enjoy waking up!
Don’t ever for a moment, think that you are irrelevant! You matter to more people than you can even imagine and you have to always remember that. I does not matter if you post or not but it does matter that we all try to find a way to stay connected. It doesn’t have to be every day or every week. What matters is that when you connect with someone…you connect.
I read Melissa’s post on your day at the beach. It was lovely and her photos were wonderful. I’m glad you two and Sam had that time together and I’m glad you shared what you did here. Keep writing Ethan, keep sharing.
Thank you for writing this post because I feel like I’m experiencing something similar. I stopped cooking too because sometimes it’s easier to eat out especially in NYC. Not only that, but I’m going through some life changing experience, and it’s not something I could share on my blog so I’m not writing anything that I really care about. I’m busy living right now and planning my next step, but happy to read this post to know that this isn’t just happening to me. It helps to know that I’m not alone. I hope this is the beginning of your awakening, and even if it’s not; take your time, it’s okay because you are always relevant!
I was trying to decode foodgawker’s many “explicit reasons” why my photos are not good enough oh once again and came across your blog… and after reading a couple of entries (including this one) I couldn’t help but to make a comment as I usually don’t. I’m more of a read silently in the background kind of person… anyways don’t be so down on yourself. Whatever the reasons may be, keep your spirits high, hold your head up, and whatever it is that is bringing you down or giving you doubts, ignore them. Think instead of all that you’ve accomplished. You do matter! I’ve had my own slab of things not going well as of late, but like all things negative, they are not meant to stay, so don’t let it! If all else fails, at least watch a funny movie/show, one that’ll make you laugh so hard you’re gasping for air. A good laugh will go a long way.