The difference between looking back and dwelling on the past is a fine line.
Just over a year ago I wrote “with Autumn now here, it means another season has come and gone. I’m sure one day I will explain why the departure of Summer saddens me, but I can’t put it into words right at this moment.”
I then shared a recipe for Pumpkin S’mores that made Autumn feel a little less harsh. Because at the time, I needed that.
You see, the end of Summer 2011 was the deadline I had set for myself to find a job. However, the universe didn’t seem to understand the importance I had placed on the selection of an arbitrary date. To make matters worse, a part-time job I had taken in Toronto to make ends meet refused to pay me what was owed to me. For about six weeks, I pursued unsuccessfully thinking that no one would be so horrible as to make someone chase money owed to them. Once it was clear this was not an isolated incident, I got the Ministry of Labour involved and another six weeks passed until I finally got the money I had been owed.
By the time I finally got the cheque in the mail, I had secured a job. I no longer had to worry about having a balance in my bank account that I hadn’t seen since I was receiving an allowance as a 9 year old boy.
Trust me, the money I had owing to me was not a windfall by any means. But at the time, with no job and the expiration of my own personal Summer deadline, that money meant the world to me. It was real things. It was rent and it was groceries for dinner. It was sitting at a cafe while job searching on a broken down laptop and splurging on a latte rather than making due with a tea.
I hadn’t felt those feelings for quite some time, but it all came back to me recently when I decided to make a batch of Pumpkin White Chocolate cookies. It sounds silly, but the smell of pumpkin brought all those memories to the forefront and I realized where the line is.
Looking back, I’m disappointed that money (or lack of) could have had such a major impact on my life. And I’m angry that the recklessness of an individual made me feel that way. However, dwelling on the actions of someone who will surely get his due down the line serves no purpose to me or to those around me. I’m not sure about the forgiveness or the forgetting, but time to move on and focus on the present and future.
Summer has passed again, but with no looming deadline. There are only rainy days, leaves falling to the ground and the smell of pumpkin cookies with a muffin top texture wafting through the kitchen to be concerned with.
- 2 cups of all purpose flour
- 1¼ teaspoons of baking powder
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda
- 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon
- ¼ teaspoons of ground ginger
- ¼ teaspoon of ground cloves
- ½ teaspoon of salt
- 2 large eggs
- 1¼ cups of brown sugar
- ½ cup of canola oil
- 1 cup of pumpkin puree
- 1 cup of white chocolate chips
- Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
- Place oven rack in the center of the oven. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
- In a large bowl, sift or whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, ground cinnamon, ground ginger, ground cloves, and salt.
- In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the eggs and sugar until light and smooth.
- Beat in the oil and pumpkin puree.
- Add the flour mixture and beat just until incorporated.
- Fold the white chocolate chips into the batter.
- Place spoonfuls of batter onto the sheet and leave approximately 2 inches apart.
- Bake for about 15 – 18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cookie comes out clean.
- Remove from oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool completely before.