The difference between looking back and dwelling on the past is a fine line.
Just over a year ago I wrote “with Autumn now here, it means another season has come and gone. I’m sure one day I will explain why the departure of Summer saddens me, but I can’t put it into words right at this moment.”
I then shared a recipe for Pumpkin S’mores that made Autumn feel a little less harsh. Because at the time, I needed that.
You see, the end of Summer 2011 was the deadline I had set for myself to find a job. However, the universe didn’t seem to understand the importance I had placed on the selection of an arbitrary date. To make matters worse, a part-time job I had taken in Toronto to make ends meet refused to pay me what was owed to me. For about six weeks, I pursued unsuccessfully thinking that no one would be so horrible as to make someone chase money owed to them. Once it was clear this was not an isolated incident, I got the Ministry of Labour involved and another six weeks passed until I finally got the money I had been owed.
By the time I finally got the cheque in the mail, I had secured a job. I no longer had to worry about having a balance in my bank account that I hadn’t seen since I was receiving an allowance as a 9 year old boy.
Trust me, the money I had owing to me was not a windfall by any means. But at the time, with no job and the expiration of my own personal Summer deadline, that money meant the world to me. It was real things. It was rent and it was groceries for dinner. It was sitting at a cafe while job searching on a broken down laptop and splurging on a latte rather than making due with a tea.
I hadn’t felt those feelings for quite some time, but it all came back to me recently when I decided to make a batch of Pumpkin White Chocolate cookies. It sounds silly, but the smell of pumpkin brought all those memories to the forefront and I realized where the line is.
Looking back, I’m disappointed that money (or lack of) could have had such a major impact on my life. And I’m angry that the recklessness of an individual made me feel that way. However, dwelling on the actions of someone who will surely get his due down the line serves no purpose to me or to those around me. I’m not sure about the forgiveness or the forgetting, but time to move on and focus on the present and future.
Summer has passed again, but with no looming deadline. There are only rainy days, leaves falling to the ground and the smell of pumpkin cookies with a muffin top texture wafting through the kitchen to be concerned with.
- 2 cups of all purpose flour
- 1¼ teaspoons of baking powder
- 1 teaspoon of baking soda
- 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon
- ¼ teaspoons of ground ginger
- ¼ teaspoon of ground cloves
- ½ teaspoon of salt
- 2 large eggs
- 1¼ cups of brown sugar
- ½ cup of canola oil
- 1 cup of pumpkin puree
- 1 cup of white chocolate chips
- Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
- Place oven rack in the center of the oven. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
- In a large bowl, sift or whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, ground cinnamon, ground ginger, ground cloves, and salt.
- In the bowl of your electric mixer, or with a hand mixer, beat the eggs and sugar until light and smooth.
- Beat in the oil and pumpkin puree.
- Add the flour mixture and beat just until incorporated.
- Fold the white chocolate chips into the batter.
- Place spoonfuls of batter onto the sheet and leave approximately 2 inches apart.
- Bake for about 15 – 18 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a cookie comes out clean.
- Remove from oven and transfer to a wire rack to cool completely before.
I remember you having to go through this ordeal with your former employer and though the Ministry of Labour takes time to settle a decision I’m glad to hear that you were paid what was owed you. Receiving your money however does not take away the fact that you had to fight for it nor does it diminish the financial and emotional stress you went through waiting to get this resolved and that was just wrong.
You are right though, it is in the past and once we move forward, we should only look back, not get stuck in it.
I like your white chocolate pumpkin cookies and I’m glad that baking them evoked the memories for you that they did. It just goes to show you that, as my mother used to say, *What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.* Not to mention helps you write an excellent post such as this
These look yummy…glad the money woes are behind you…miss you, though!
“There are some things that don’t change much. I find the smell of a dish, or the way a certain spice is crushed, or just a quick look at the way something has been put on a plate, can pull me back to another place and time. I love those memories that seem so far away, yet you can hold them and carry them with you, even forget them, and then, with a single taste or hint of a smell, be chaperoned back into a beautiful moment.” – Testa Kiros ‘Falling Cloudberries’
Your post reminded me of that quote, which I wrote in a long-forgotten journal I kept while in Florence. Re-reading it brought a bright spot to a rough few days. I’m glad you’re in a better place now. I hope something in your life this week chaperones you back to beautiful moments, too :]
Fine Line –> Fine Lime. That name didn’t come out of thin air. So many things in life balance on a fine line. Trying to walk it without a stumble now and then is hard. You do it the best you can.
I remember all of this so well and I also remember that even during that horrible mess, you found a way to do one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me even though, at the time, it was beyond your means. And that speaks a lot to who you are as a person. Love ya lots e-potato.
Also, I was lucky enough to sample said cookies and they were goooooood!
Glad the woes are behind you. These cookies sound scrumptious. I’m going to have to make these pretty soon to chase away my own blues